After nine months on the road, we finally returned "home" for some important doctors appointments. While we don't have a physical home in Atlanta anymore, "home" is typically the area you have spent the most time, where you recall your most significant chapters. Home is the place that you run into people you remember. Home is where you can easily pick up where you left off without any instructions.
Home for us doesn't quite fit this definition anymore. We have internal changes that don't match the place looking unchanged. We all process these internal changes differently. This week we've had outbursts of anger. Tears of confusion. Longings for familiarity.
But I feel an invisible source blindfolding our family to reality, pushing us into one another, and then laughing at us as we take out our frustration on each other. It's incredible how the battle is not one we can see, but one that creates real wounds among us.
Returning to our former "home," even for a week, is not the cause of the battle. The battle exists in the temptation for a temporary fix-- to go back to what feels so much easier. The temptation for comfort and ease is one of the greatest pulls that will cause us to disregard God's calling. While it may seem sensible at first glance, it actually takes us away from the incredible.
When Jesus called Peter to come out of his boat and meet him in the middle of the ocean, Peter had to take an incredible step--one onto deep, dark water. Bonhoeffer explains it this way, "Peter had to leave the ship and risk his life on the sea, in order to learn both his own weakness and the almighty power of His Lord. If Peter had not taken the risk, he would never have learned the meaning of faith. Before he can believe, the utterly impossible and ethically irresponsible situation on the waves of the sea must be displayed. The road to faith passes through obedience to the call of Jesus. Unless a definite step is demanded, the call vanishes into thin air, and if men imagine that they can follow Jesus without taking this step, they are deluding themselves" (The Cost of Discipleship, pg. 63).
God is calling us to step out and continue to make this "road trip" a way of life-- a way of home. He's reshaping our understanding of both home and faith, and He's training us to live by it every day. It's easy when we see God do miraculous things; it's much harder if we only see the tumultuous waves around us. When we stop too long and look around too much, we lose sight of Him who called us out of the boat from the beginning. Peter had to get out of the ship to believe. We have to leave "home" to believe. We all have steps to take, and they are not easy, but they are incredible. Once you take a step towards Jesus, you'll never regret it. Walking one water is worth all the tears getting there.
~Carefully & Carelessly Home