Once upon a time, I slept in a large room in an even larger california king-sized bed. It was wonderful. I'm not going to lie. I could fit another bed at the foot of this bed so that I could hear all of my babies breathing. Once upon a time, I had not one, but two different babies, struggling to get air into their lungs. I slept at the foot of my california-king in order to hear the beeps from monitors attached to one raspy baby. Once upon the time, I didn't get more than a few winks of sleep no matter how great my bed because my mind heard every inhale and exhale.
Fast forward...now I sleep on rather squished, queen mattress, a stones throw from all four of my loudly breathing boys. Currently I hit my arm on both my husband at my right and the cabinet at my left in our tightly packed bedroom. Now I don't just hear wheezing or snoring, but all my neighbors talking, dogs barking, and every other imaginable sound reverberating through our thin camper walls.
I have always been an extremely light sleeper, and after having kids I couldn't make it through the night without rousing, but living in a camper is next level. I can feel every single movement inside our rig. If someone has a bad dream or if someone needs to go to the bathroom, I feel it. Yet, despite all of this, I sleep better now than I ever have. I'm not exaggerating. I still hear things, and I still wake up, but I can sleep through sounds, fall back asleep, and experience deep rest like never before.
The secret...not a comforpedic mattress, not sleeping aids, not white noise, but just the best solid sleep when I least expect it. About a month ago my once monitor-wired child was struggling with a head cold that caused him to gag during the night (due to circumstances from his infancy). To my great shock and surprise though, my husband was up with him (and other kids he woke), while I didn't bat an eyelash.
This is shocking on many levels, but mostly because I can't pinpoint it to anything logical. I was not sick, I was not medicated, I was not even that tired from the day before. I was not under the influence of anything, yet I slept long and hard-- I even slept through the alarm clock, which I've never done in my life!
My attention peaked, and that's when I realized...most of us believe in some level of "karma" whether we admit it or not. We are conditioned to trust cause and effect. We operate on a self-reinforcement-incentive system. Study hard = get good grades. Work hard = get paid. Obey authority = stay out of trouble. Disobey = get in trouble. Even Christmas revolves for many around karma--be good = get gifts.
While there is scripture to back a reward/honor system, Jesus doesn't work this way. Every other world religion operates on a works-based pyramid, but Christ operates through pure, unmerited grace. We cannot do enough or be good enough to receive a good night's sleep. Sure, we should follow proverbs and reap rewards from wise choices, but too often we think it is our wisdom that causes our rewards.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer understood this well. He said, "Earthly possessions dazzle our eyes and delude us into thinking that they can provide security and freedom from anxiety. Yet all the time they are the very source of all anxiety. Man-in-revolt imagines that there is some`cause and effect between work and sustenance, but Jesus explodes that illusion. According to him, bread [or sleep] is not to be valued as the reward for work; he speaks instead of the carefree simplicity of the man who walks with him and accepts everything as it comes from God." (The Cost of Discipleship, p. 179)
There's the reason! Carefree simplicity. Real rest comes from trusting in obedience. He gifts us as we are willing and ready to give Him full credit for those gifts, not our perfect recipe for comfort. We think the more we control our lives and comfortable future, then the better we will sleep at night. In reality, the more we work for comfort, the more it eludes us, but when we let go, we reap and sleep much better. When we say "yes" to follow Him through the wilderness, we see how He provides angels to make every rock feel like a california-king mattress.
~Carefully & Carelessly Sleeping
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