Time really does heal all wounds, but it will also leave a big, nasty scar if it's working alone. If you want to heal, and grow weaker afterwards, then just let time do its job. But if you want to improve your strength and increase your joy after pain, then you'll need God to direct the healing alongside His invention of time.
I've been asked several times over the last few months to share my story of brokenness. There seem to be more relational and marital wounds around me these days than ever before. They are, of course, nothing new, but they are being highlighted in the shadows of my past.
If we have graciously healed with God, then it doesn't bother us to share our stories of hurt because they don't hurt us anymore. Instead, they are the details that God used to actually heal us correctly.
Too often people want to gloss over the messy parts of their lives and focus on the nice photo-worthy ones. "Sure I mess up. Sure, I have sinned. Sure no one is perfect." But this isn't personal or specific. Even many years after a hurt heals, people won't talk about the ugly parts from their past because they left an ugly scar. However, if you've let God lead you to true healing, then minimal scarring means great testimonies. The scars are stories worth recounting in hopes of helping others heal from brokenness.
We all want a happy ending, but how do you get there if you're in the middle of brokenness? How do you forgive when you still hurt? How do you move forward when things behind and ahead of you look so daunting? How do you keep scars from getting gnarly, and instead have ones that redefine your identity?
It all comes down to your understanding of forgiveness. The concept is nice, sure, but the reality is truly profound. I have noticed that two of my kids have zero problem apologizing. In fact they will say sorry when I'm just correcting a grammar mistake. Sorry is their way of keeping peace. However shallow the apology actually is doesn't matter. They just want to feel forgiven.
Then I have two other boys who will not apologize unless you require them to do so. They hate the word "sorry" because to them, it means they must focus on something negative about themselves. These two would rather makeup for errors in sweetness. They don't want to incur any dents on their character. They just want to feel all is forgotten.
Neither of these modus operandi is better than the other. Both miss the opportunity for true reconciliation--true healing. If apologies are given out like Halloween candy, they lose their distinctiveness, but if they are withheld and replaced with fake sugar, they leave a bad taste in your mouth.
True forgiveness and real reconciliation require something else--real humility. No matter who is to blame for pain, everyone has a part in it. "Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life" (1 Timothy 1:15-16).
As such, if you can stop covering up, glossing over, or pointing fingers, and simply ask God to change your heart, you'll walk away with minimal scarring. When God brought my husband and I back together for a second try, I saw the very image of humility in another human being. I, on the other hand, had nothing but nasty pride around my waist. When God whispered His forgiveness to me, not my husband, but to me, I saw the cross, in a whole new light. That is when I understood my plight. “The way the normal human ego tries to fill its emptiness and deal with its discomfort is by comparing itself to other people.” (Timothy Keller, The Freedom of Self Forgetfulness)
When we stop comparing our scars and simply seek God, He changes us to resemble a little more of Jesus. We see His scarred hands and feet with new appreciation. We see pain as the vessel for true healing. Our scars are nothing compared to Christ's. Our scars, like His, are beautiful testimonies.
~Carefully & Carelessly Scarring
Comments